scarlet tinted suburbia ... open 24 hours

Why do I always do this? I promised myself I wouldn't feel this way yet again. EVERY single time I am about to go back to school from a break, I freak out. The whole time I'm on break, I am bitching that I'm bored, annoyed, quiet, sober. Now, the night before the end of my longest break from school on record, and I'm suddenly having a heart attack. Homework, class, papers, my fucked up feelings for my best friend and his dire need to sleep with all my closest girl friends? I'm afraid of the fear, the intimidation, and the hurt. Yet, this is what I wanted every second of this summer....... right?
With Nadnerb2.. will it come back? Okay, so sleeping with him when he visited a week ago wasn't exactly one of my more brilliant strategies. But I certainly wasn't thinking about all the ensuing feelings that would inevitably arise while we were drunk and hooking up. Yiiiikes.
Now, I'm paralyzed with this sudden anxious fear. Am I going to mess up big time? Will this be the last straw for my parents? Can I obtain respectable grades, become the kid they're proud of, like I was in high school? And for the love of God, will I ever, in a million years, finally be able to push my feelings for Nadnerb2 out of my brain?
Stay tuned.. for a fun filled whirlwind of personal growth as another year at ANILO starts in T minus 1 day.....
Song to download: Janis Joplin - Piece of my Heart