scarlet tinted suburbia ... open 24 hours

In the paper today there is an entire section on Cherry Hill. ENTIRE SECTION. I picked up the paper and thought, "What writer ACTUALLY thinks Cherry Hill is special?" and then I noted the name of the writer, and it happened to be the mom of someone I went to school with from 3rd through 8th grade. I forgot that their mom was a writer, and it occured to me that the writer was from Cherry Hill and thats why they wrote it. But obviously some whackjob editor had to approve of the printing of said SECTION, so I figured there must be something to be said for it.
So I read through the article. Looked at the pictures for people that I knew. I recognized a couple people. And when I was done, I was left was this incredible, I don't know, loneliness. I felt disconnected from everything I grew up with, and right now I'm finding a hard time reasoning with why exactly I wanted to move. Cherry Hill is most certainly not perfect, and it isn't as nice as Medford. But it definitely has something I don't have any more: familiarity. I've noticed more and more just how important it is to know people that you grew up with. How much easier it is to feel like you know someone, how much I miss the way things used to be. I wanted to move because I wanted a change, but now I know that I could have made changes while staying right there in Cherry Hill.
I have always felt different here in Medford. While some people are great and awesome, I just never feel like most people like me by myself. It's weird, feeling like I put on an act all the time. It's like stepping out of yourself for a day and observing how you act, and realizing you don't know who you are. I know this sounds strange, but that's how I feel a lot.
I know if I had gone to high school in Cherry Hill it would not be what I picture in my head, because all my friends go to different schools. Nonetheless, I miss feeling at home. Like I belong somewhere.
I don't know what I'm saying and I don't feel like saying it any more. I could elaborate more but it's just all over the place. And I'm making myself depressed.

Song to download: Dexter Freebish - Leaving Town

Oh, uh, hey. I'm in a bullet mood. No, I don't want any bullets. I think Chris Rock is right when he says bullets should cost $5,000 dollars because then there would be no innocent bystanders. Whenever someone gets shot everyone would be like, "Damn he musta done SOMETHIN..." Chris Rock is the best.
It just occured to me I don't know how to do bullets on the computer, unless it's via Microsoft Word.
- Dashes shall have to suffice
- I hope I did okay on the SATs, although I'm not too worried because it is October and I am a Junior so I have plenty of time to improve. Although I feel like there's a lot of pressure on me because I had a tutor, so I don't know if I'll tell people what I got on the PSATs. Plus, I lied to some people about what I got on the PSATs sophomore year, the truth is nobody actually knows what I got except for my parents and me. So, some people are going to think my tutor did nothing for me, which I think is kind of funny. I don't know if I'm going to tell anyone what I got this time. I most likely will, I'm just nervous. As far as intelligence goes, I REALLY REALLY care what people think of me. It sounds dumb, but honest nonetheless.
- It's over and done with and the only college I want to go to (that I actually can get into) is George Washington. It is definitely my first choice school. In November we're going to Boston to see colleges I would love to go to but are more difficult to get into. I think we're going to see Tufts, Boston University, and Boston College, and we're also going to see Colby and Bowdoin in Maine. In November Nadnerb is going to see Tufts, Amherst, Colby and Bowdoin, and I'm afraid he's going to LOVE one of those and make it his first choice. Because he can get into said schools. Right now George Washington is both of our first choices. He claims he wants to go to a school where he can stand out, not where he is just one of the crowd, and that's one reason that he likes GW. But I don't know, I really believe he'll end up loving one of those schools, or another one he likes such as Middlebury or something, and he'll realize that he can get in and he'll make that school his first choice. Contrary to what I've just said, I'm really trying not to think about it.
- I have no money. Sometimes I miss Izzies.
- I want my license. I also want a Dodge Neon.
- Nadnerb and I are great. And Xela and Nadnerb's best friend Y-nnad are hitting it off quite well. I like the way they look together, and I really hope it works out. I'm trying not to get my hopes up about the whole thing, and I'm also trying not to get too involved in it. I don't want them to be dependent on me and Nadnerb, so we're kind of just letting the whole thing flow on its own, and if it happens, that'd be really great. And if it doesn't, we'll live. But I definitely have the best time with Nadnerb, Xela, and Y-nnad. It's hilarious.
- I wish my name, Nerual, looked cool backwards. Neur-al. That looks okay.
- I'm really worried about Anit. And I don't really know the extent of everything, I'm just afraid she's really really missing Ryan and she's letting it consume her. She is the type of person that let's things consume her. Of course, I really feel like I would be the same way. But I don't really know how she is in school and whatnot. I can imagine, though. I mean, she used to spend every day with him in school so I don't know how much school takes her mind off him. I am one to know about counting days until I get to see Nadnerb, but they're never more then 6 or 7 until that day on the weekend comes. Her's are weeks, counting the weeks. The worst worst part of my summer was when I spent 3 weeks without Nadnerb, and after those 3 weeks were up I got to see him every single day. She gets to see him for, what, a long weekend? That would kill me. And Tina is like me in some ways, we're definitely both relationship devotees. Serious relationships require serious committment. And yet, despite all the hard work relationships are, we wouldn't have it any other way.
- Big sigh.
Song to download: Earth, Wind, and Fire - September